As he sat down and thought about the past year and half, he has to say that through all the pain and disappointment, the thing that hurt the most was hearing her say how happy she was and how she had wanted this. After agonizing for weeks on this decision all she had said was that she was happy and to top it all of she couldn’t stop talking about her crush. A week before she had written him a letter about how happy she was with him and now she couldn’t stop talking about crushing on some other person?
What had been those weeks of guilt for? What had the proceeding 18 months been about? Then to be told that she had not been in love with him but rather had loved him as a friend? I mean who gets friend-zoned in a marriage? Apparently he did.
Another question was, how long would she had kept up the pretense if he had not forced the issue of them deciding to separate? What were all those tears about? If she had not felt the same way then why did she walk down the isle, oops, the court stairs? He had married for love, what had she married for?
So many questions wrecked his brain as he slowly stalked up the stairs and skulked to the apartment. She had asked for privacy, like a gentlemen he had. He waited patiently in the night, feeling the cold slowly inch its way deeper into his bones, feeling, no hearing his bones as they slowly ground to a halt due to the cold. All for her, well it wasn’t the first time he had found himself in a situation like that for her, but maybe it would be the last.
“I think I love someone, Someone of the opposite sex.” she said. Is that why she had been like that? Is that why she had treated him as a second class citizen in his home? Was that the cause of her unpredictable mood swings on the drop of a hat? He just couldn’t understand the cause of all the pain in the past few weeks. Yet he couldn’t ask such questions, he would have to deal with them himself. After all how could he trust her answers? I mean she had showed him on multiple occasions that she was more than willing to lie to him, without a moments notice as long as it made her feel better.
No sooner had they broken up, than she was on the phone with multiple people about how happy she was about them being apart. WOW! That had taken him by surprise. He wanted things over but he hadn’t expected her to act the way she did. It was almost as if she had been lying in wait for him to end things. As if she had been doing all she could just so that she could get him to end things. Was that even possible? Could she possibly had done that?
He still didn’t know. All he knew was the deep hole that was in his heart, that was building slowly. He had felt that hole before. Way back in time, he had learnt to fill it with alcohol, cigarettes, and sex, lots of sex, would that work again?
He just didn’t know. He had put in every aspect of himself in this one, where would he start to pick it all up? where?